Mandala 2020 - Stage 16

 

Blessèd sister, holy mother,
spirit of the fountain, spirit of the garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in (your) will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.

Ash Wednesday - T. S. Eliot - 1927

These words from Nobel Laureate T.S. Eliot (italics mine) are posted front and center on my desk. The dark midnight nibbling at my edges is relinquishing to a dawn in the truth that this is me. my. life. now. The burdens and griefs, the reaving of the last few years are mine me I, and are my present future past. Telling myself this truth, grasping it, even while among the hard rocks, is freeing, lifting, hopeful.

And around the Mandala this reflecting thinking breathing is stitched into the fabric. 

The redo work from previous stages was worth the effort as I seemed to breeze through Stage 16. Just eight rows left. The Mandala is large; it takes considerable effort to manage. During this wintertime, however, its lap warming welcome invites the effort, so I stitch and stitch and reflect around the round.

In this fresh new year of 2021 I am looking further ahead with hope and expectation. To do lists, want lists, one week at a time plans - the famed resolutions of a new year - have moved me from melted welded curled in my chair to planning working accomplishing projects. This feels good, "not mocking myself with falsehood", exposing the lie that my life will return to normal. This is normal, this sitting among the hard rocks, reuniting my broken parts, unseparated.

Mandala 2020 - Stage 15

 

This New Year completes 10 months of crocheting on the Mandala. Some stats to consider:

MANDALA:

Size:  77" in diameter
Weight:  6 pounds
Rows:  97 (of 111)
Stitches:  45,869 approx
Stage: 15 (of 18)

The last row in this 14th stage proved a challenge. Like previous stages I suspect I miscounted the row, or rows, below. After the third time ripping out 700 stitches, I devised a plan to compensate for the apparent mistakes, so I finished with the correct number of stitches. At this stage I know that mistakes are magnified exponentially so here's hoping that I won't meet my errors in the next few rows.

Two stages left; 14 rows. This effort has been a journey, and it is exciting to have a possible goal date. I started the project in March 2020; it would be nice to have it finished by March '21. With six weeks between now and then, at four hours per week, I might just make it. Of course, this depends on how many stitches/rows I have to pull out and redo to make the rounds work.

I have been thinking about the value of this project. The dollar value, if I were paid $10 per hour for my labor, would be astronomical. Someone would really really want to have it to make the hours pay. The inner work I've done while working the Mandala, that is priceless.