The author of the mandala pattern wrote "whew" at the end of this tenth section, and I wholeheartedly agree! I was initially intimidated by the bobbles - I don't particularly care for making bobbles - and this section includes 88 of the little beauties! And the rows included color changes almost every stitch. Challenging. Frightening. I delayed work on it, intimidated.
Tension became an issue as I struggled to manage two colors of yarn and new stitch instructions and bobbles. Without just the right amount of tension, the mandala would be a mess - too tight in places and unable to support the next row of stitches; too wobbly and saggy in others. In these crazy times of global pandemic and death and personal loss, I find tension playing a role as well. Too much stress, tension, I break and weaken, unable to move.on.keep.going. No tension, while sounding glorious, produces a different weakness, but just as destructive: forgetfulness, neglect, lack of clarity and focus.
As I weave my uravelled life back together I speculate that there is no "back" to go to. I stood outside one night in the golden light of the full Flower Moon and asked the universe to show me my way back, begged my spirit to come back to me. And the seeming response was the clear siren call, "You cannot go back. There is no path back."
This tension of healing, well-being, understanding this grief. It is freeing, comforting. Keep this tension just so, and the pattern and usefulness, beauty and glory, are revealed as I step forward, into whatever new life I am creating, wholly, one stitch at a time.